What better way to start off a blog than to share big news, right? So, here we go. Nearly two years ago, we started exploring something that seemed like a very random idea. I can’t even say where the notion came from, but I found myself typing “surrogacy” into Google. We are fortunate to have never been in a place of struggling with infertility so my curiosity was really about women who do this for others, not about looking for way to add to our own family. I became fascinated with the idea of giving the gift of pregnancy and birth, which had always been pleasant and uneventful for me, to someone who, for whatever reason, was unable to have the experience themselves.
My curiosity took me as far as a local agency, where I interviewed, completed a series of assessments, and ultimately decided that the timing wasn’t right for me to make such a significant commitment. I was beginning a position in my job that would require travel so I decided to step back from the idea.
It was about a year later when we started discussing it again. My year of travel had wound down and my interest in surrogacy again began to pique again. I thought it seemed like a perfect fit for me. I loved both pregnancies and both birth experiences, but the thought of bringing another baby home made me anxious. My husband, on the other hand, wasn’t convinced. Understandably, he had some reservations about a number of things – I would be tired all the time; there is no guarantee that things would go smoothly; we’d be bringing others into our family in a deeply personal way.
We talked about it – a lot – over the next couple of months. We processed all of the questions that we could think of. Eventually, we went back to the agency. After another interview, they invited us to attend the holiday celebration and meet other surrogates. This seemed to be a turning point for both of us. What had been this crazy idea for a year and a half had become something that had faces, names, people attached to it. We talked with women who were at various stages of the process and to their spouses/partners. The one consistent thing that we heard was how powerful that moment in the delivery room is when you watch a new family come together for the first time, knowing that you’ve been a part of it, and that every other challenge that they had faced disappeared instantly.
Fast forward several months and here we are, committed to a process that is equally exciting and nerve-wracking. We have moved along all of the steps so far (albeit seemingly slowly) and are awaiting the moment when the clinical and legal parts of all this transition into the personal and emotional reality of carrying a child for someone else.
This is a start to what we hope will be a way for us to share the experience with those who we don’t talk to often enough, those who may have the same curiosity I did nearly two years ago, or anyone who finds it strangely engaging. We know that family, friends and others have a million and one questions so I’ve created an FAQ page, based on some that we’ve had thus far. Note that this will all be based on my own experience, one that is still at the beginning and that I imagine will evolve over the next year.